Meet someone who goes by “King $piff.” He thinks anyone who wears Toms footwear is a “pure faggot.” Mudblood faggots can wear Toms though, right? Cause they aren’t pure faggot? WHAT DOES PURE FAGGOT EVEN MEAN? This guy is a moron. Follow this pure idiot at @WordSmithSpiff.
#OhBrother No. 3
The moment when you realize that the YouTube link you are sending to a friend was actually porn, because you forgot to Apple+C the new link.
#OhBrother No. 2
The people you claim are “gay icons” are using you. For your money. Duh. I don’t care how many times Kathy Griffin makes a bear joke or refers to her friends as “her gays,” or how frequently Margaret Cho can shoehorn a fag hag reference in after a 9/11 joke. Adele never asked to be your gay icon, and I didn’t ask for her to be mine either. I don’t want her. I also don’t want Robyn to be my ambassador (oh my god, she dances by herself and still loves herself. That’s so me!). Next time you, the media, or your bullshit girlfriend who can, like, totally be naked around you, throws out “gay icon,” that person better be gay and he or she better be awesome.
#OhBrother No. 1
I get it. Your library is just bursting at the seams with coo-worthy books. And no, not you, you don’t limit yourself to the latest Franzen novel. You certainly don’t have a checklist that verifies you have read almost every book tapped for the Booker, Giller and more. No, not you. Your copy of Utz is basically falling apart and you see no advantage to owning a television. There is no better way to feel more self-important than to vocalize the fact that you couldn’t possibly own a TV. Oh, and I bet you love the smell of books too. Asshole. Well, guess what? Those of us who watch every episode of Pretty Little Liars have also read the Iliad. And it, like, totally blew.
